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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226774">Devotion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinophyta/pseuds/Pinophyta'>Pinophyta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Destiny (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drunken Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, not a pun it's just a little bit of angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:22:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226774</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinophyta/pseuds/Pinophyta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At the end of the Hawkmoon scene, Crow and the Guardian share a kiss. A drunken kiss. Thinking he's embarrassed himself, Crow must apologize. Thinking he's given Crow false hope, the Guardian must break things off, immediately.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Guardian/Crow, male guardian/crow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I chose not to use my exo titan Guardian's name for this story, but if you must know, his name is Prometheus-4 (Theo for short)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Crow closes his eyes, breathes the night air in, and drinks a little bit more of wine. It is quite strong, but has a hint of sweetness to it. Nothing to do with the questionable drinks served at the Empty Tank.</p>
<p>He lowers the bottle, and takes a few moments to enjoy the sweet burn before opening his eyes. He sees the night sky, a bit overcast, but still adorned with plenty of stars. And soon it all begins to tilt at an alarming pace.</p>
<p>"Had enough yet?" Glint asks, moderately concerned.</p>
<p>Crow turns around, graceless and unsteady, but smiling.</p>
<p>"Glint, my friend, I'm not letting a single drop go to waste. So..." He holds the bottle up. "Until this is empty, the answer is no."</p>
<p>The Titan chuckles quietly at that. He’s sitting down by the fire, looking at it thoughtfully.</p>
<p>Crow decides it is a good idea to go sit right by him. But first, he has to get there. It’s only a couple of steps away, it shouldn’t be hard. He manages to take one triumphant step before the world starts tilting again, and when his body tries to compensate for it he ends up falling to the ground.</p>
<p>“Crow!” Glint exclaims.</p>
<p>The Guardian is there in an instant.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” he asks.</p>
<p>Crow turns over with a little difficulty. Several dry leaves are stuck to his hair and clothes.</p>
<p>“Yeah...” he mutters. He holds the bottle up and shakes the wine still inside. “Hey! Didn’t spill it!” he claims.</p>
<p>“Fantastic.” says Glint, heavy with sarcasm.</p>
<p>The Guardian holds the urge to chuckle and offers Crow his hand.</p>
<p>“Come on, I’ll help you up.”</p>
<p>Crow blinks a few times, breathing deeply. The world seems to have stabilized, but he fears it will not stay that way if he tries to get vertical.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll stay down here.” he says.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re okay?” the guardian asks again.</p>
<p>“Never better!” He raises the bottle for emphasis.</p>
<p>The Guardian decides to sit down beside him, facing the fire, and watches Crow slowly compose himself into a sitting position. He shakes the leaves off of him and scoots a little bit closer to the fire, and the Guardian.</p>
<p>"You know? You didn't answer my question earlier" Crow says.</p>
<p>"Oh? Which one?"</p>
<p>"Can you... Can you get drunk at all?"</p>
<p>The Guardian's shiny blue eyes dance in the darkness, moving between the fire and Crow. They're not that different from Awoken eyes, he thinks. And they're pretty. Well, his are pretty. He enjoys looking at them.</p>
<p>"Only if I want to." the Guardian answers, curtly.</p>
<p>He sounds... sober. Crow offers him the bottle.</p>
<p>"Do you?"</p>
<p>The guardian takes it and ponders the question.</p>
<p>"I've got a good buzz right now, but I'm not going to let it go beyond that."</p>
<p>He takes a drink. When he turns over to Crow he finds him smiling intently at him.</p>
<p>"What's so funny?" The Guardian asks.</p>
<p>"You're normally so uptight, it's nice to see you like this."</p>
<p><em>Uptight?</em> he thinks, mildly offended. He turns to look at the fire. If he could blush, his cheeks would be glowing red right now.</p>
<p>But the truth is... Crow has a point. He's been described as a man of few words by many before, but with Crow, he's taken it to another level. It's not easy having to watch everything he says, every single moment.</p>
<p>The alcohol isn't strong enough to inhibit his judgment, but he's letting his guard down, on his own volition. A perk of being an exo. Not too much, just enough to celebrate. People might not believe it, but he can be fun sometimes.</p>
<p>"You know?" He says, absent minded, while Crow fishes the bottle out of his hands. "It's not the first time I chase a bird on a quest, now that I think about it."</p>
<p>"Oh?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. In the Red War. Was lost in the mountains. Bird showed me the way."</p>
<p>Crow says nothing. He's looking at him. His smile is so soft and so sweet.</p>
<p>"Though this wasn't a glowing bird" The Guardian continues. "It was a real bird. His name is Louis. I should introduce you some time."</p>
<p>He talks a little bit more about the red war, about Hawthorn and the farm, what it felt like to be lightless. The fire begins to die down, and somehow he finds himself with Crow's cheek on his shoulder.</p>
<p>"Those refugees were lucky to have you." Crow whispers, his speech muddled by the alcohol.</p>
<p>"They were doing all the hard work, us guardians merely helped..."</p>
<p>"I'm lucky to have you."</p>
<p>He says that, and the guardian hears it, and he turns his head to find Crow's golden eyes fixed on his.</p>
<p>He's drunk. He's very drunk. But it's such a good kind of drunk that Crow doesn't care, doesn't question it. All he can do is look at that strange mechanical face he likes so much, and wonder how or if exo mouths can be kissed.</p>
<p>Soft hands cup his face and he closes his eyes in bliss. He feels the fingers of the mechanical man, so strong yet so tender, and even though he has no breath he can feel the proximity of his face.</p>
<p>He kisses the guardian's mouth in a clumsy fashion, but on top of knowing so little about exos, he's also drunk. So he can't really tell if he's being reciprocated, he can only feel the guardian's warmth, and when he begins to feel softly pushed away he protests.</p>
<p>"Guardian..." He says, but it's slurred and barely whispered.</p>
<p>The Titan lays his hands on his shoulders and pushes, gently.</p>
<p>"No, no..." Crow says "please... "</p>
<p>He wants to jump forward, pin the man under him in a bout of passion, but he's clumsy and tired.</p>
<p>"You're drunk."</p>
<p>It's true, but Crow doesn't want to admit it. All he can feel is the want, the need, perhaps enhanced by the alcohol. Wanting company, needing touch. Needing to be held by someone he can trust.</p>
<p>He stills himself eventually, and nods.</p>
<p>"I am drunk." he admits.</p>
<p>He lays his head down, resting against the guardian's neck. He is very warm and his embrace is very comfortable. He falls asleep in seconds.</p>
<p>The guardian, on the other hand, is sober and wide awake. He knows he should let Crow go, but he continues to hold him in his arms anyway. He can’t just drop him on the ground and storm off, that would be cruel.</p>
<p>Glint and Ghost are watching. He knows exactly what they are thinking, but they thankfully don’t say a word. He waits until Crow is fully asleep, and sets him down by the fire as gently as he can.</p>
<p>He stares at the dying embers, as if they held the answers to all his questions. At the earliest sign of dawn, he leaves without a word. His ghost and Glint argue about something before his departure. He can't deal with it right now.</p>
<p>He needs to get as far away from Crow as possible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The morning is grey, rainy, cold. Perfectly reflects how Crow is feeling. He’s clutching the empty bottle of wine in his hands, sitting under the wing of his ship, listening to the rain hit the hard metal.</p><p>“Did he say anything before he left?” he asks, softly.</p><p>Glint knew the aftermath of the night would be hard for Crow, but before he kissed the Guardian, he thought the worst he’d have to deal with was a hangover. Crow didn’t even seem bothered by that. He had woken up, immediately remembered what he did, and walked all the way back to the ship in total silence.</p><p>And now he couldn’t even tell him “i told you so”, because he hadn’t said anything about not kissing other guardians. Because honestly, how could he have foreseen it?</p><p>“No.” he answers “He stood by the fire for a while, and then he left.”</p><p>“Did he seem… angry?” Crow asks, worried.</p><p>“No. If he was angry he wouldn’t have stuck around until dawn, don’t you think?”</p><p>Glint’s words make sense, but they fail to comfort Crow. His memories of that moment are blurry, but he knows very well what he did, and he feels mortified.</p><p>“Do you think he’ll ever want to talk to me again?” he asks.</p><p>Glint takes a few moments to think, but he knows the answer is yes. The Guardian wouldn’t resent Crow for giving him a kiss while drunk, Crow was blowing things out of proportion. What truly worried Glint was Crow’s own reaction.</p><p>“Crow… You’re being a little dramatic.” he says. “So you kissed him. So what? May I remind you that you were drunk?”</p><p>That manages to get a very faint smile out of Crow. Perhaps he’s right. It was just a kiss. People kiss when they’re happy. People touch when they’re drunk. Maybe the Guardian would think nothing of it, and they could both laugh it off.</p><p>“Yeah… yeah, I was drunk. I was very stupid.” Crow says.</p><p>The sadness in his voice feels like a punch to Glint, who had cherished Crow’s happiness last night, despite his nagging. Truth is, he likes it when Crow’s happy. And the Guardian’s companionship makes him happy, so the idea of losing him doesn’t thrill him.</p><p>Crow continues to stare in the distance, holding the bottle in a firm, tense grip. Glint knows that look well. It’s the look Crow has when he’s not telling him something important, and somehow, Glint knows exactly what it is.</p><p>“Crow?” he asks. “You don’t have feelings for the Guardian, do you?”</p><p>Crow slowly turns to looks at him, dead silent. His face says it all.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>More than ever before, Glint wishes he could tell Crow the truth about the Guardian. He hates keeping so many secrets from him, but he has to do it for his own protection. Or at least, that was the original idea. What’s the point of keeping him in the dark, if it’s only going to make it more painful in the end?</p><p>Perhaps Glint should have lied just now, when Crow asked him if the Guardian left angry. He should have told him that yes, he left in a huff, very uncomfortable and visibly offended. It would be a horrible thing to do, to take away Crow’s only friend just to save him some grief later on… It’s not an option. Glint shakes slightly, frustrated.</p><p>It’s unlikely that the Guardian returns his feelings, anyway, Glint thinks. But he’s been unable to read his own lightbearer’s feelings, so what does he know about someone else’s? From his conversations with the other Ghost he can gather that the Titan is responsible, at least, and holds genuine sympathy for Crow. So the best he can hope for now is that he’ll let him down easy.</p><p>“Well… in vino veritas.” Glint says, mustering up whatever cheer he can in this gloomy day.</p><p>“Excuse me?” Crow asks, perplex.</p><p>“It’s an old dead language. It means “in wine, there is truth”. When people get drunk, their hidden desires come out.”</p><p>Crow chuckles. His grip on the bottle relaxes.</p><p>“You were right after all, then.” He holds the bottle in front of him and tips it. It’s empty. “I shouldn’t have drunk so much.”</p><p>They both laugh together.</p><p>Crow rests his arm on one knee, and continues to stare at the forest, thoughtful.</p><p>“Next time he comes by the lair, I’ll apologize.” Crow says. “Like you said, I was drunk, it meant nothing. He doesn’t need to know the truth.”</p><p>Deep down inside, a part of Glint wants to encourage him, suggest that maybe he should ask the Guardian about his feelings, but he knows this would be playing with fire. If Crow doesn’t want to make a huge deal out of it, all the better. Maybe it’s just a crush. Maybe he’s just been lonely for too long, so he has fallen for the first real friend he’s made. This is something Crow needs to work out for himself.</p><p>“Will you be okay?” Glint asks.</p><p>Crow nods. There’s serenity in his expression now, although the sadness persists underneath.</p><p>“I cherish his friendship too much to put it at risk.”</p><p>He won’t make a move. He won’t confess his feelings. This gives Glint some comfort, but not as much as he’d hope. It was about time Crow had a secret of his own, he thinks.</p><p>Crow stands up and walks out into the rain, ready to return to the lair. But as he’s climbing the ship, he remembers a few more details from last night.</p><p>He remembers the warmth of the fire, the details of the exo’s face, his eyes looking at him with uncertainty. He remembers the strange flavor of his mouth. He remembers… that the guardian didn’t push him right away. That it took him a while to...</p><p>The engines of his ship come to life as he asks Glint one last question.</p><p>“Glint? Did the Guardian kiss me back?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Is this how you plan to deal with it? By shooting thralls for hours, not talking to me?”</p><p>It has been a little over three hours now. Aim, shoot, reload, repeat. He’s got all the time in the world, and no shortage of hive thralls. He’s perched atop one of the rusty ships in the forgotten shore. A squad of house Dusk eliksni is hunkered down nearby. They’ve been watching him, but keeping their distance, unsettled by the sight of a Titan sitting at a sniper perch for such a long time.</p><p>He doesn’t answer Ghost’s question. He’s not angry at him for being worried, he just doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say in this situation.</p><p>Shortly after he took off from the EDZ, Ghost had asked him the same question Glint asked Crow. And much like Glint, Ghost had seen the answer coming.</p><p>It is obvious to him, the way his Guardian looks at Crow. The way he listens to his words, the way he touches the weapons and instruments Crow hands him. Anyone else would miss it, but he is… Well, his ghost. He pays attention to the little things. It’s the reason they know each other so well.</p><p>He knows the Titan will talk when he’s ready, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. He thinks he’s earned the right to be a little upset, what with all he’s endured without protest lately.</p><p>Another hour passes. Aim, shoot, reload, repeat. It’s easy, he doesn’t have to think. It’s like he can pretend to be the efficient killing machine he was literally made to be. Embracing his inhumanity would make everything so much easier…</p><p>But he had to fall for the Awoken Prince, didn’t he? Out of all the people in the world, all the faces and all the souls he’s met in his travels, it’s him. It’s always been him.</p><p>And he… Kissed him. There was no denying that.</p><p>“Maybe he was just lonely.” the guardian says, breaking his silence.</p><p>Ghost knows what his guardian is talking about, because he’s been thinking about it himself all morning.</p><p>“Yeah, it was probably that.”</p><p>There, problem solved. Crisis averted. Crow wasn’t in love with his guardian, and his guardian was too smart to act on the feelings he worked so hard to keep under wraps. Case closed.</p><p>Except Ghost isn’t a fool, he knows there’s no easy solution for this messy situation. The guardian can control his feelings, but he can’t make them go away, much like he can’t change the past between him and Crow. And even though they don’t talk about it much, his guardian IS lonely. Sure, he’s grown a little bit closer to his fireteam, but he doesn’t have anyone like Crow. His friendship means a lot to him, too much to put it at risk.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have done this to him.” the Titan says. “Help him out. Get close. Shouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>Shoot. Reload. Aim.</p><p>“You had to. He had nobody else to help with the wrathborn. Helping him was the right thing to do.”</p><p>The Guardian aims. A thrall steps in his sight. He doesn’t fire yet.</p><p>“Shouldn’t have stuck around. Should have let Osiris advise him.”</p><p>“Osiris can’t help with the field work anymore...”</p><p>He shoots. He misses.</p><p>“It’s cruel.” he raises his voice slightly. “Being his friend, acting like it wasn’t me who put a bullet in his head. It’s cruel.” he reloads the rifle with a bit more strength than before. “Falling in love with him is cruel.”</p><p>The sound of the empty shell hitting the ground is deafening in their silence. The guardian resumes aiming, but he’s not even looking at the thralls anymore.</p><p>“So you’re… in love with him?” Ghost asks, softly.</p><p>The words rattle him, even though it is the truth.</p><p>“You know? It was easier when he was Uldren.” the guardian says. He takes his eye off the scope and turns to talk to his ghost, finally. “I thought he was attractive. He hated guardians. No point on even asking, so that’s all there ever was to it.”</p><p>Ghost twirls around slightly.</p><p>“You never said anything about that.” he says.</p><p>“There was nothing to say. He was smug and mean, and unimpressed by me, of course I was attracted to him.”</p><p>Truth is, they never talk much about his romantic life, which is a pretty sparse topic to begin with. It makes sense that the guardian wouldn’t speak of his crushes, specially one with zero chances of ever materializing. In many ways, he remains a tough nut to crack, even to him.</p><p>“But things are different now, aren’t they?” Ghost asks.</p><p>“Like night and day. Now he’s sweet, and kind, and he idolizes me. And I like that even more. Not the… Not the idolizing part. I mean... the way he smiles.”</p><p>This is probably the most his Guardian has opened up since the Red War, after the Speaker died. Ghost can’t help but find it endearing.</p><p>“You truly care about him, don’t you?”</p><p>The Guardian closes his eyes and hangs his head low. He does, in ways he can’t even let Ghost know. He wants to help Crow more than anything in the world. He’s drawn to protect him, to do anything that is required to make him safe and happy, to hear him laugh.</p><p>And at first… At first he thought he was doing it to atone for killing him, but now he knows better. If he truly let guilt take the reins, he would run away and never look back. He’s doing this because he wants to be with Crow.</p><p>He feels… selfish.</p><p>“Not enough to tell him the truth, apparently.”</p><p>He returns his attention to the horizon, as if to spite his Ghost. He brought up the idea of coming clean a few days ago, and Ghost wouldn’t hear it.</p><p>“Telling him right now would do more harm than good. I know it’s hard to accept, and it doesn’t have to feel right, but it IS the right thing to do.”</p><p>He knows they can’t keep existing in this tense status quo forever. He just wishes he could… tear the band-aid off, and get on with it. Tell Crow the truth and let him process it, and whether their friendship survives or not, at least they’d be on equal footing.</p><p>“So that’s it, huh?” the guardian says, defeated. “Just have to keep the peace until it all boils over, right? Let him down easy and keep it together until the day he finds out what I did?”</p><p>Ghost floats into his field of vision.</p><p>“Maybe that day isn’t as far away as you think. Once we get Crow out of Spider’s clutches, he won’t need our help as urgently. So we could tell him the truth, very delicately, and then...”</p><p>He doesn’t want to say it, but they’re both thinking it. If Crow decides to forgive him, then perhaps they can rebuild their friendship. And if he doesn’t, then they won’t ever talk to each other again. Either way, Crow is free, and safer than he has ever been since he was risen.</p><p>A sudden movement in the distance catches the titan’s eye. A hulking figure is emerging from the ruins, sending the thralls around the cliff in a frenzy.</p><p>He sets the sniper rifle aside and stands up.</p><p>“We’ll finish this conversation later” he says, stretching his arms over his head.</p><p>With those words, he climbs out of his sniper perch and runs all the way towards the bow of the ship. Electricity starts crackling around him as he runs faster and faster, and then he leaps in the air at the last second. His body cuts through the air like a bullet, headed directly towards the Ogre, and then everything explodes. After the lightning recedes, the guardian begins to sweep the few remaining thralls around the crater with his fists.</p><p>“Well” Ghost says, still watching from the sniper’s nest. “That’s a more titan way of letting it all out, I guess.”</p><p>The eliksni nearby are applauding and hollering, entertained by the Titan’s rampage. Ghost ignores them, and begins to make his way towards the guardian.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He doesn't need visions from the Traveler to remember this, that's for certain. Once sober, he could recall the kiss pretty well, and Glint’s evasive response told him everything else there was to know.</p><p>The metallic mouth... It was hard to know if he was being kissed back. But the hands... He remembers the hands now, so gentle and so soft, cupping his face. Beckoning him closer. His thumbs gently grazing his cheek... It took him a while to remember, but once he did, all the pieces fell into place: he wasn’t just caressing his cheeks, he was tracing his facial marks.</p><p>The memory makes him giddy. But Glint continues to beg him not to do anything rash, to not get his hopes up, and Crow had to swear to him several times that he wasn't going to, and he hadn't. Which was half true, but still. "I just want to know how badly I misread the situation", he told Glint. Did the Guardian push him away because he didn't feel the same, or is there a chance that he does, and only pushed him away because he was drunk?</p><p>That tiny sliver of chance sparked a flutter in his stomach that accompanied him all day. He returns to the shore and gets to work, happy to keep busy with anything. The Spider gives him a few chores, and by his lack of snide comments it seems he hasn't noticed anything strange. All the better.</p><p> </p><p>He cleans up a couple of weapons, helps calibrate some pikes, and then returns to work on lures for the hunt. One of Spider's associates drops by with a bag full of hive carrion, which will turn into essences with help from Osiris’ teachings.</p><p>He takes a moment to talk to the eliksni, and even though this particular one is quite reserved he seems to appreciate the conversation. His name is B’yrs, and he loves hunting hive. He despises them something fierce. Crow knows this, so he asks him about the hunt, giving him a chance to revel in the details. It's an entertaining conversation, and it has the added benefit of giving him a sense of how this eliksni is doing, regarding Hive corruption. He doesn't want to see any more eliksni go. It's not his job, but he tries to keep tabs on their mental well being.</p><p>The Titan walks in on their conversation. Crow spots him by the door, but he waits there while B’yrs narrates his encounter with a knight. They both laugh, and Crow shows him off with a pat on the shoulder and wishes of good luck during his next hunt. The eliksni pays no mind to the Guardian on the way out.</p><p>"Just in time!" Says Crow. He waves at the bag of hive parts "Fresh off the shore, ready to be distilled into essences."</p><p>The bag is oozing with a green, slimey substance. The Titan doesn't look too thrilled by it.</p><p>"Glad I could be there for that..." He says.</p><p>Crow puts the bag inside a metal bucket and sets it aside. If they're gonna have a conversation, he'd rather not have entrails in his hands while doing so.</p><p>The guardian brings the lure with him, its charges now empty. He sets it on Crow's work table and begins to unscrew the empty jars.</p><p>"Before anything else, guardian, I want to thank you for the other night. Thankyou for sharing a drink with me. It was a lot of fun, and... It meant a lot."</p><p>The Guardian stills in place, looking down, thoughtful. He remembers the empty bottle of wine in Crow's nest, and the story behind it.</p><p>"You're quite welcome." He says.</p><p>He begins to screw the second jar until Crow stops him, placing his hand softly on top of his.</p><p>"I also wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for getting carried away. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable."</p><p>He's not great at reading exo faces. He asked Osiris about this once, and he had a bit of advice on the subject: <em>"You have to pay attention to the eyes."</em> he had said. <em>"The eyes and the hands. Sometimes they say more than our own do."</em></p><p>Right now, the Titan's hands are telling him nothing. They're frozen in place, one on the table, the other under Crow's hand. Perhaps this fact IS saying something.</p><p>His eyes, however... He's looking everywhere but at Crow. Can't keep them in one place. Along with how long it's taking him to answer, it’s clear that the exo is nervous.</p><p>"Ah..." He says. "Crow, I wasn't uncomfortable..."</p><p>He's never heard this much hesitation in his voice.</p><p>Crow feels his heart swell in his chest, and he can't help the impulse to get closer. With his free hand, he drops the hood of his cloak back, and that seems to snap the Guardian into looking at him. And he does, he falls prey to his golden eyes, while Crow squeezes his hand a little tighter.</p><p>"I wasn't sure you felt the same way..." He whispers.</p><p>The Spider's voice comes from down the hall, as clear as if he were right there in the workshop. He's admonishing one of his pilots, just another one of his rants about shipments being on time. But it serves to remind them that the workshop is hardly the place to have a private conversation.</p><p>"Could we talk about this somewhere else?" The Titan says.</p><p>Crow nods in agreement, annoyed that the moment of his great confession was ruined, but acknowledging the need for discretion. Whatever the guardian and him had, he'd rather Spider not know.</p><p>But before they can part, as if to reassure him, the guardian places his other hand on top of Crow's. A promise that he wasn't avoiding the conversation? Or perhaps something more?</p><p> </p><p>.....</p><p> </p><p>The reservoir is quiet. Aside from a few floating rocks, there's barely any trace of the taken anymore. The moon shines bright over the river, and the sound of the water flow and the crickets is soothing to the troubled Titan.</p><p>The moment he has dreaded so much is here. He knows there's no other way forward, certainly not for him. He must break Crow's heart. And, in the process, break his own too.</p><p>How did it come to this? How did his feelings for Crow reach this point? He didn't have them when he saw him that day, heroically saving Osiris. His return was mostly disturbing, and concerning. But right away he could tell he was very different from the kind of man Uldren had been, friendly and humble, and so eager to learn.</p><p>After some reminiscing, the Titan realizes that it's not really a hypothetical question. He can pinpoint the moment he started having feelings for Crow with absolute precision. It happened when he first heard Crow laugh, while out on his first wrathborn hunt. He was laughing at something Glint said, he can't remember what.</p><p>After that it all went downhill, or uphill depending on how you look at it. Crow slowly shared more about his experiences, about everything he had learned on his travels, and the Titan was smitten by his curiosity and resourcefulness. Crow knew more about the eliksni than the titan had learned in six years, and he treated them all with respect and dignity. Oh, how he wished he could take Crow to Earth and introduce him to Mithrax. They could learn so much from each other...</p><p>It was the confluence of everything that made him fall for Crow. His intelligence, his kindness, his sense of humor…</p><p>It had to stop.</p><p>He hears Crow approach from the tunnels, his footsteps intentionally noisy no doubt. He appears in the dark as nothing but two golden dots floating in the air, but as he walks into the moonlight he sees his pale blue skin, and the shimmer of his grayed hair.</p><p>“If Spider can hear us here, I will be really surprised" Crow says. "Now, let's pick it up where we left it, shall we?"</p><p>He is smiling, he looks radiant and happy as the Guardian has never seen him before. He came here thinking his feelings were returned. And they are, but...</p><p>"Crow. Stop. " The Titan says.</p><p>Crow's smile vanishes. The exo can't quite express severity with his face, but his tone of voice is clear and final. It is obvious to Crow that, after all, he misread the situation.</p><p>"I thought you... " Crow says.</p><p>He doesn't finish the sentence. He scratches his forehead and uses the gesture to cover his face, and look around the chamber like the rocks are really interesting.</p><p>"It seems that I have made... A mistake..."</p><p>His voice is fragile, hurt, and the Guardian can't stand it.</p><p>"No. You haven't." The Titan says.</p><p>He immediately regrets the words. He shouldn’t be telling Crow that his feelings are returned. He should lie to him, lie to him some more, tell him he has no feelings for him at all. It would be easier. But he can’t help himself, and so the only option left is telling Crow that regardless of his feelings, they can’t be together. And then… more lies. Lies of omission, but still lies.</p><p>He puts a hand on Crow's shoulder, but Crow avoids his eyes.</p><p>"Crow, I care about you. I care very much. But we... Us... It can't be. Not like that."</p><p>Crow's golden eyes slowly return to look at him. His face is impassive.</p><p>"You don't want it to be? " He asks.</p><p>"No, I do."</p><p>"So it can't be?"</p><p>The Titan shakes his head.</p><p>What truly breaks his heart is that Crow doesn't even bother asking why, because he knows he won't give him a straight answer. Like he said before, he is not stupid. He knows something is being kept from him. But he keeps quiet, and looks down, frowning, trying and failing to hide his disappointment and sadness.</p><p>He looks up at the guardian one last time and nods, not in agreement, but resignation. Admitting defeat. And in the end, it's the little smile that does it for the Titan. He cannot stand to see Crow try so hard to pretend he's okay.</p><p>He jumps forward and kisses him. To hell with the lies.</p><p>Crow returns the kiss with some surprise, but quickly feels at ease between the Titan's arms.</p><p>It's short, and chaste, in no small part due to the exo’s own inexperience kissing people. But it gets the point across. And when their mouths part, he can't stop himself from speaking the truth he’s been dying to say for months.</p><p>"I was the one who shot you."</p><p>Crow's eyes are still closed from the kiss. His face remains serene.</p><p>"Was it because of what I did?" he asks.</p><p>"Yes" is the answer.</p><p>Crow inhales slowly, exhales slowly, and then opens his eyes.</p><p>"Do you still hate me for it?"</p><p>"No." the Titan answers, momentarily confused. How could Crow think that?</p><p>Crow eyes up his mouth for a moment, and when he speaks again there's a defiant, almost playful hint to his words.</p><p>"If you still want me, kiss me again."</p><p>And he does. He does, again and again, and pulls Crow into a protective hug he immediately clings to.</p><p>He knew something had transpired between this Guardian and whoever he used to be. Something important. He could tell from all the missing information, from everything Osiris didn’t tell him, but he never gave it a lot of thought. He hates thinking about That Guy. He never would have guessed it was something so significant.</p><p>He wonders, as he tightens their embrace, if that’s the reason the Guardian is so quiet, the reason his words always seem to carry a hint of sadness. Perhaps if he was better at reading exo emotions, he would have seen the signs.</p><p>It doesn’t matter anymore. The Guardian sees him as he is right now. Crow. Just Crow. And that’s everything he could ever want.</p>
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